Levictor and the Case of the Stolen Quest Item
by Parody101
Summary: Where are the detectives in WoW? Combining mystery with comedy and of course fantasy, the paladin detective Levictor's first case.


"Ak'al-sath risthorn, kal Druby."

The long Draconian greeting was uttered from Korialstrasz's mouth to a confused Druby.

Druby was a druid, master of nature, slayer of monsters, able to shapeshift into a bear, a cat, and even a tree. Well, a walking tree. Alright, a treant, ok?

His talents and skills were legendary. But he still couldn't speak Draconian.

Sensing this, Korialstrasz sighed and spoke in Common. Druby was here because there was a big yellow exclamation mark over the dragon Korialstrasz's head, and in the World of Warcraft that meant a quest was on offer.

"You are very brave to accept this quest," the dragon said dramatically. "But you are also very foolish! To complete this quest you will have to venture onto the Bone Plains, traverse the Crack of Doom-"

"Sounds like someone's butt." Druby, ever noticing these things, interrupted.

Korialstrasz ignored him. "You must venture into the Cave of Shadows and kill Ajork the Lich! Bring me back his phylactery as proof of the beast's demise."

Nervous now, Druby thought. Coming up with an idea, he reached over Korial's head and bent the exclamation mark into a yellow question mark. In the World of Warcraft, this means there's a quest to turn in.

Korial sighed, pulled the mark down, unbent it, and replaced it over his head.

"Nice try. Make sure you have the phylactery next time." he said.

Druby gulped, realising this was one quest he couldn't cheat at. Then, he picked up his bag and left.

"Finally! Only two hours and 23 deaths to get the phylactery!" Druby exclaimed as he looted the corpse. The phylactery was soon nestled in his inventory, nearly lost amongst the ridiculous amounts of mead, pinot noir and orange juice. Oh, and his off-spec Restoration gear set. But that was only 16 slots, and the alcohol was taking up nearly fifty.

Druby was already eyeing out the reward he'd choose. The mighty Raging Blade of the Ridiculously Difficult Quest that only OP Classes Can Complete, Yes We Mean You.

Oops, typo. It's actually just the Raging Blade of Undeath, but that's not nearly as fun a name as Raging Blade of the Ridiculously Difficult Quest that only OP Classes Can Complete, Yes We Mean You.

Now, no more author interaction spam and let's get back to the story.

Druby shrugged his bag back on his back, shifted to leopard form and started running back to Korial.

Speaking of the dragon, he was busy setting up a pyramid of cards. He'd almost finished when the door flew open and the cards flew everywhere.

"Oops…" Korial's servant Surristrasz said.

"What is it?" the dragon lord asked irritably. "And if I'm missing any cards it's coming out of your weekly $2 wages."

"Sorry, lord," Surristrasz apologised. "I came to ask if you wanted tea or coffee."

"Quite a bit," Korialstrasz snapped. "With extra cinnamon, caramel and blood. And I mean quickly!"

His servant bowed and left the room. Five minutes later, Korial had set up the cards again and was just putting the last one into place when the door flew open again, and the cards flew everywhere again.

"I have the coffee," Surristrasz said, quickly handing it to Korialstrasz and leaving before he could be told 'YOU'RE FIRED!' and, literally, set on fire by his master's breath.  
>Taking a sip, Korial clicked his fingers and the cards flew back to him. He then began setting them up.<p>

Coincidence and irony had it in for him today, because for a third time the door flew open and the cards flew everywhere.

"SURRI- oh, Druby!"

Korial hurriedly felt around for a yellow question mark and placed it over his head.

"I'll take the Raging Blade of Undeath, thanks," Druby said smugly.

"Hold it, tree-hugger!" Korial said. "You'll need to show me the item before I give you the reward!"

Still smiling that annoying smile, Druby reached around and put a hand in his backpack. Suddenly, the look of smugness faded and was replaced by one of panic. The druid flung the bag onto the ground and began furiously searching it.

"I know it's in here somewhere!" he cried. Korial sighed and began setting up the house of cards again as Druby upended the contents of his bag, a risky thing around a fire-breathing dragon when you have that much alcohol in your backpack.

"Look, tree-hugger, you probably chickened out and didn't do the quest.

"But I did!" Druby bawled. "I had a 80g gold repair bill as proof!"

"Had?"

"I got it repaired!"

"Well," Korialstrasz said, "If you really did the quest then call Levictor."

"…Levictor?"

"He's a paladin detective. If you can ignore his ego, he's the best person to call about a problem."

"Has he got a resume?" Druby asked.

"Oh yes, and it's very… extensive," Korialstrasz replied, remembering the paladin's pride at sculling 10 flagons of mead and not passing out. And then there was the thing about griefing a Horde player so much they deleted the character. In fact, there was surprisingly little actually related to detective work on Levictor's resume.

"Fine," Druby said sullenly, "I'll make the call."

_"He's smart and quite clever,_

_ And stronger than ever,_

_ He'll find your lost thingies wherever they be,_

_ He's Levictor!"_

Druby turned to Korialstrasz. "You expect me to entrust the finding of a very rare quest item which was lost or stolen for some unknown reason and will earn me a very rare iLevel 294 item to someone who not only doesn't have a good singing voice but can't even make up a good rhyme?"

Korialstrasz shrugged. "I did warn you about his ego."

"Hey, broski," Levictor said to Korialstrasz. Then, to Druby, "Hey, n00b. I hear you lost a quest item. Fail."

"I believe it was stolen."

"So you called me because everyone else was inferior?" Levictor was virtually preening himself in arrogance.

"Actually I called you because I heard of your resume," Druby said.

"Did they mention the ten flagons of mead?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Let me see your inventory."

A quick search revealed nothing that even remotely looked like a phylactery. Although, the alcohol bottles had smashed, so everything was covered in alcohol that had ignited because the bag was half a degree centigrade over 20. This rather obscured the nature of all items inside.

"Oops," said Druby.

Korialstrasz clapped sarcastically. Levictor tried not to laugh at the 'n00b', but only managed to keep it down to the level of chortles that only occasionally interrupted what he was saying.

"Okay, so it's definitely – chortle – not in there – chortle," Levictor said. "Did you stop – chortle – anywhere before – chortle – coming here?"

Druby thought for a moment, then said, "Once. At the repairs shop. I had to empty my bag to gather up the 80 gold."

"Who else – chortle - was there?"

"A shaman called Shammywipes, a death knight called Deekay and a hunter called Bowtome."

"Okay, Druby," Levictor began. "I have a plan. Here is what you must do…*"

"Hey, the n00b druid at the repair store invited me to a booze party!" Shammywipes burst out.

"Us too!" Deekay and Bowtome chimed in.

As they departed, Levictor smiled. Time to inspect their residences.

There was nothing in Bowtome's room but there was a piece of really rare gear in Shammywipes' room, and something just as rare in Deekay's.

Something else to inspect. His mind made up, Levictor went off to continue his investigations quickly. Druby's decoy booze party was not going to distract the suspects for long, so he had to hurry.

Taking the gear with him, Levictor left the rooms.

There is a rather obscure mail gear store which, by some alarming oversight, is _hanging off_ the bottom of Dalaran. It is often changing owners and as such, store names. Currently, it is owned by an elderly lady named Miss Diminor. The store is named "For Sale, Going Cheap".

This was the one store in Dalaran that sold mail items that had stats based on vanilla World of Warcraft. As Miss Diminor said, "Back in my day, we didn't have any of this fancy 'armour penetration' stat on our gear, and we didn't have these easy 25-man raids either! It was 40-man and epics were very rare!"

At this point her clients had often made their purchase and gotten out while she was still talking.

Still, some players found the gear she sold to be more useful than the orthodox stuff. Shammywipes was one of those.

"Is that you again, sonny Jim?" she wheezed as Levictor came in. "I can see you are holding an item I sold."

"This item was bought by a shaman named Shammywipes, yes?" he said,

*Such a cliqued line.

getting quickly to the point before he was bored to death, a fate in his mind worse than a pug run of ICC.

"Why, yes!" Miss Diminor said.

"Well, he's lost it. I can track him, but I need to know what he bought this item with."

Smooth, Levictor, smooth.

"Why, certainly!" Miss Diminor continued, false teeth clacking around the 'c'. "Sixty emblems of Frost!"

"Thanks, elder," Levictor bowed and left.

"Back in my day," the shopkeeper said, "If you lost an item there was none of this fancy 'tracking'. If you lost your gear that was that."

_Tanks for Everything_ is Dalaran's premium plate gear store. In fact, it's Dalaran's only plate gear store. Which is probably why it is visited at all.

"What can I do for you?" the shopkeeper asked Levictor as he walked in.

"This item has a rather large dent in it," the paladin complained, holding up Deekay's item which looked suspiciously like it had been bashed with a consecrated warhammer often used by paladins of the Light. Levictor had prepared well for this one

"Sorry, no returns policy," the disinterested shopkeeper said, pointing to a sign on the wall.

"Look again."

TANKS FOR EVERYTHING

If you are unsatisfied, don't come whining to us

Please abuse our 100% refund policy

The shopkeeper did, looked away, then whirled his head back again. "What in the name of – how did that – oh, never mind." 

Told you Levictor had prepared.

"Name?" the disgruntled shopkeeper asked.

"Deekay,"Levictor answered.

The shopkeeper presented him with 70 Emblems of Frost.

"And now I'll get another one," the detective ordered.

Levictor replaced the borrowed items just in time. The bad news was, he hadn't found the thief. The good news was, he was _so_ getting paid overtime.

This left just one possible suspect. The NPC who had repaired Druby's gear.

What was the store – ah, the one in K3, Storm Peaks.

"I'm such a genius," Levictor smirked. Quickly he caught the next flight path to K3, sending a message to Druby to meet him there.

"So you think the vendor took it."

"Well," Levictor considered. "None of the suspects were in possession of the phylactery, so it is really the only logical explanation."

"So what's your plan?" Druby asked. "Rush in? Try to trick him into giving it up? Assault him?"

"Definitely not the last one," Levictor scoffed. "My reputation with Gadgetzan is still Neutral. No, I say we confront him about it."

The following day, Levictor watched Druby flail wildly at a practice dummy, trying to get his Polearm skill up to 450.

_Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Parry. Miss. Miss. Dodge._

He was in such a good mood he wasn't even thinking about how illogical it was that a wooden dummy could dodge his attacks.

Levictor smiled. "The most rewarding part was when Druby paid me."


End file.
